Author Archive for julie

check out what happened to my brother

he’s the police officer, not the perp:

Beer cans hurled at police officer, cruiser
Posted by The Times of Trenton August 16, 2007 7:22PM

EAST WINDSOR — Two men are charged with assaulting a township police officer by launching large beer cans at his patrol vehicle, one of which struck him in the head, police said.

At 10:40 p.m. Wednesday, Patrol Officer Ryan Mattek was in uniform and sitting in a marked car at the stop sign on Yorkshire Drive at Oak Creek Road when a pickup pulled alongside so both drivers side windows were aligned, Lt. James Brady said.

Without warning, the driver and a passenger in the truck launched beer cans at the police car, and one, an open and full 32-ounce aluminum can, sailed through the officer’s open window and hit Mattek in the face, Brady said. A second can of beer hit the police car.

The truck sped away and Mattek, who was not seriously injured, chased after it, Brady said.

The truck came to a stop in the same neighborhood after striking a curb on Dorchester Drive at Dutch Neck Road. The driver attempted to flee on foot but Mattek caught him. Mattek and Sgt. Jeff Valentino arrested the other two occupants at the scene.

The driver, Guillermo Valentin-Lopez, 26, of John Terrace in Hamilton, and his passenger Apolinar Cruz, 34, of Moffat Street in Hamilton, are charged with aggravated assault on a police officer, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and resisting arrest.

Valentin-Lopez was also charged with driving while intoxicated, eluding police, refusal to submit to a breath test and several traffic violations.

The truck’s third occupant, Ruben Salas, 18, of the Windsor Castle Apartments, who was sitting on the far right side, was charged with disorderly conduct.

Mattek’s injuries did not require medical attention, but Cruz was taken to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital at Hamilton for treatment of minor head cuts from when the truck hit the curb.

Valentin-Lopez and Cruz were in police custody yesterday on $100,000 bail.

Contributed by Kevin Shea

the summer of dental hygiene

i am more than happy to support good personal hygiene, but for the second time in a few weeks, i have caught someone flossing inappropriately.

although yesterdays flosser did not pose a direct threat to my life, per se (see july 13th entry entitled “people are morons, part 45”), i find it equally wrong to floss in the middle of the sporting goods aisle at target. especially if you are going to immediately use those same tarter-encrusted fingers to push a cart that hundreds of others will use after you. how much more gross can you possibly get? well, i suppose you could sit in front of me in class every week and floss after enjoying your sandwich. that was fun to watch for 12 weeks.

as a side note, yesterdays trip to target also revealed a woman in the rug aisle talking loudly on her cell phone about real estate, finally ending her conversation with, “okey-dokey artichoky!” i didn’t know people really talked like that.

makes me want to stay holed up in the house more often. it can be pretty dangerous out there.

when i was in third grade

when i was in third grade, in my class was a girl name desiree. the entire school ostracized her because she had had lice and, back then, people with lice had to have their heads shaved.

although i never made fun of her, i left her alone and never defended her when kids would make fun of her and treat her like she was some kind of leper.

then one day, i reached my threshold in watching her stand alone in the playground, and walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to play charlie’s angels with us. i still remember the look on her face when i asked her, like it was the happiest day in her life and she couldn’t believe her good fortune. i think she almost cried. perhaps she thought that the end of her exile had finally come.

when i went up to our pack leader, jackie, and announced that desiree would be joining us, she would have none of it. i then had to walk over to desiree and tell her that the other kids wouldn’t allow her to play. she said, “okay,” and i turned around, walked away from her, and rejoined them. the mean kids. after a 30 second hiatus, i was again one of them.

just like i haven’t forgotten the look on her face when i invited her, i have not forgotten the look on her face when i uninvited her. like she expected it.

i think it was one of the defining moments in my life, and i still feel sorrow over it. sorrow for her but mostly sorrow for me, that i gave her a glimpse of acceptance and quickly took it away.

i hope that that was the meanest anyone has ever been to her, and that the rest of her life has been filled with happiness and all things good. and i hope that she looks back on that day and sees how badly i wanted to include her and reach out to her, instead of how i ultimately chose politics and popularity over kindness.

already somebody’s baby

i have had elliott smith’s song, twilight, in my head for the past few days. i wonder if his music is miles above most due, in part, to the profound sadness surrounding it. next to one of my favorite restaurants, malo, is the ‘elliott smith tribute wall’ which never fails to fill me with a sense of unrest before i dive into my beloved burnt habanero & creme salsa.

i stopped reading cnn weeks ago and miraculously have not been sad since. until i read elliott’s wikipedia page, that is. what a tragic life and death. seems like it could only have gone that way.

so this am is elliott smith morning, where i find myself wondering if he reads cnn from wherever he is, and sees how people in the world he left still hate on each other in the name of money, power and personal beliefs . or can see how new lives are being created by couples who can’t help but produce amazing children who will make the world a better place. i wonder if he misses his girlfriend or his mom. i wonder if he feels he made the right decision, or wishes he were back here in silverlake.

we had six friends over for dinner last night. turns out there is nothing better than exceptional music, wine, ice cream, an amazing summer breeze and great friends. two of those friends are pregnant with offspring that will no doubt rule the world with unlimited beauty, brains, charm, charisma, sincerity, and perhaps a bewildering fascination with gossip and horror flicks.

the world just may be improving, and i am glad i can be here to see it.

loser in love

i am in love. all i want to do is watch battlestar gallactica while eating ben & jerry’s coffee heath bar crunch & peanut butter cup. it doesnt get much better than this. i think i might even prefer the show to the ‘cream, and that means serious shit.

rob tried to tell me when he was marathoning the show in the spring, but i still can’t believe how amazing it is. its every bit as good as lost & heroes. and its on the scifi channel instead of a major network. apparently the networks passed on it before scifi picked it up, and they are kicking themselves, as it has been lauded as one of the best dramas on television. it should be required watching for everyone based solely on its strong female characters. the women pretty much rule the show. starbuck is my hero. she represents something fierce.

i have been under its spell over the past week or so. thank God i don’t have a real job, or i would have simply not shown up all week due to serious bsg addiction. please call in sick for a week, drop everything and watch the mini series, followed by the first 3 seasons. season 4 starts in the fall, and its the last one.

i really hope they find their way to earth by the end so we can hang out. frackin’-a.

whiteblacktrash

today i found myself on the treadmill at the gym with jerry springer dangling dangerously close to my head. while i was happy to concentrate on the offerings of my blessed ipod, i couldn’t help but feel my eyes repeatedly drift to the subtitles on the tv above me, and the ridiculous spectacle that is daytime trash tv.

i noticed the guy next to me staring at the tv with a dazed, incredulous look on his face, and felt the need to share with him how just reading the subtitles was probably making us more stupid by the second.

after he left and i had no one else to bother, i came up with what i think is a pretty clever analogy for shows such as these: they are the modern day equivalent of the gladiator fights of ancient rome, where scary people fought and killed each other for the entertainment of the spectators. its pretty much just as pathetic.

on tv, the audience was egging the guests on, as their verbal fights became physical. they hooted, hollered and gave the thumbs up and thumbs down signs. they got off on a wife beating on a cheating husband and his pregnant girlfriend. oh, and everyone was about 200 pounds overweight.

think i will stick to my summertime battlestar gallactica marathon, thank you.

people are morons, part 45

we were just coming home from dinner in santa monica, and passed a woman driving on the 10 freeway at about 70 mph while flossing her teeth. she was looking in the mirror and, as is customary, using both hands to floss.

i have witnessed people reading scripts while driving, but using both hands to floss while on a major freeway on a friday night pretty much takes the cake. a few obvious questions come to mind, such as, “if both hands were in your mouth, what were you using to man the steering wheel?” and “what could possibly have been stuck in your teeth that would demand such immediate extraction so as to justify risking your life, plus the lives of dozens of others?”

the only logical scenario i could come up with was that it must have been a bomb. i am obviously one of the lucky ones who have been spared the wrath of those crazy tooth bombs the al qaeda is planting in the mouths of asian americans.

now that i have wisely realized that flossing driver is no longer my enemy, but my hero, i retire for a guaranteed peaceful nights sleep.

‘night.

f of the c’s

in a crowded city where one is likely to see depressing car accidents that put them in a tailspin for weeks (see below), there is the welcomed gift that is hbo. i sincerely hope that you are watching ‘flight of the conchords’ every week. those kooky dudes from new zealand are off-the-charts frickin funny. i saw their hbo special about 2 years ago, and i swear that barely a day goes by when i dont find myself singing ‘business time,’ a song that i am very happy to announce they will be performing on this week’s show. i couldn’t be happier that they are finally getting the fame and recognition they deserve.

and i hear that bret lives in my very own town of silverlake. i am not positive, but i think that may be one of the reasons i have begun walking lexx around the neighborhood more often (key scary music), but you didn’t hear that here.

and speaking of scary, apparently a lot of people have been writing to hbo saying they just dont get their humor. i feel the need to publicly apologize to those superfine kiwis on behalf of my moronic countrymen.

i really hope you are watching.

last week

about a week ago, april and i were driving to dinner in atwater village when we came upon an accident that had apparently just happened. the first thing we saw were about five cars spread out over the road in an unnatural configuration. then i noticed a figure lying face down in the curb beside a green minivan. he was lying with his arms tucked under his body. as we slowly rolled by, about 15 feet from him, he lifted up his head, turned it toward us, and let out an agonizing scream.

i thought i was going to throw up. i looked across the street to a gas station and noticed a police car and 2 cops apparently giving someone a ticket. they were close enough for me to yell to them, asking them if they knew someone had been hit and was lying in the street…. they said ‘yes,’ and ‘thank you’ and went on with their business…. i then pointed out to them that he was screaming. they nodded and carried on.

after what seemed like an eternity, everyone slowly got back into their cars, and the police began to drive across the street towards the screaming man. the screaming man who was about 100 steps from them. it all struck me as completely ridiculous. i dont know what was going on, but i keep picturing this man lying face down in the gutter, screaming…. and all alone. there was no one crouching down besides him trying to comfort or reassure him. just a few people on their cell phones standing near him, and the cops across the street, perhaps more interested in giving someone a ticket than helping a man in pain. since my brother is a cop, i know they are all trained extensively as emt’s. yet this man was suffering alone.

i suppose this all happened between the span of about one or two minutes. as we crossed the intersection, we were relieved to hear ambulance sirens. we drove half a block and pulled over, trying to recover from shock and nausea.

i know i have no idea what was going on, but it has been haunting me since then. and i mean haunting. i wake up in the middle of the night and see him, alone in the gutter, screaming.

i look back and wish i had run over to him and just at least tried to reassure him. asked him his name. tried to divert his attention at least a bit. prayed for him. i have done searches for accidents in the area, trying to get some kind of peace or reassurance that he is okay, but i have found nothing. i think this one is going to remain a mystery. over dinner that night, april and i kept telling each other that the man was going to be okay. but i’m not okay.

i need to know that he is safe. that he isn’t alone any more, lying in the gutter. and i want to be able to sleep again.

vegas, maybe.

i hadn’t been to las vegas in seven years, which is apparently long enough to forget how annoying it is. where are all those people from? they are everywhere. every inch of the city is swarming with people. its like one big ant hill, but instead of ants, its filled with fat sweaty hairy guys in white tube socks.

we booked a suite at the mirage for three nights. i found out later that ashlee simpson had been there, too, but since it was after the fact, it was too late to check out in protest. did you see that video of her all drunk in a mcdonald’s a year or so ago? when a fan (huh?) approached her and asked for her autograph (what?), she told him he had to kiss her foot first. when he refused, she told him to fuck off. then, to assure she had secured her rightful spot of the top of my “biggest talentless buffoon” list, she turned around and started being rude to the cashier. fantastic!

anyway, we drove out on sunday, and spent most of the ride doing what we usually do on road trips: complain about suv’s. you know, how they are dangerous and selfish and unacceptable and whatnot. the usual stuff. we witnessed three accidents on the way there, and 5 of the 7 vehicles involved were either suv’s or mini vans. sweet. i also spotted the driver of an 18-wheeler chatting on his cell phone and driving with one hand. that just doesn’t seem too smart to me. or safe. or legal. but what do i know? … but aren’t headsets like $14?

so the first night we were there, we dined at nobu at the hard rock hotel. i was pretty pumped. the server highly recommended the kobe beef special. the beef was an appetizer, and rob and i had exactly three bites each. and it was great. what wasn’t great about the kobe beef, however, was that i found out when we got our bill that it cost ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS. that translates to $20 a bite. when we got the bill i almost threw it back up. i spent the rest of the night in a fitful sleep, wondering if i should call the cops to see if they would arrest the scam artist who thought it would be a good idea to push a special appetizer without informing us that it cost almost as much as our suite at the mirage. i love a good, quality meal as much as the next person, but i have to say that this happened three nights ago and i am still fuming. i even called the restaurant the next day to see if there had been a mistake. there hadn’t. i strongly suspect that, regardless of the consequences, if i happened to run into nobu matsuhisa anytime soon i might have to sucker punch him in the face.

but its time to move on to happier things about our trip: the cirque du soleil beatles show, “love”, was simply far beyond the best thing i have ever seen. it was mind blowing. i want to see it every night. and i want to join the circus. too bad i have no talent. or a beard.

we ended up cutting our trip short by a day due to overstimulation. after less than 48 hours in vegas, we were done. broke, hot, annoyed and inspired to join the circus.

sounds like a normal trip to sin city. see you in another seven years. or more.