silly white blog

today started out brilliantly sunny. but now its raining lightly, or “spitting” as my cute mom would say.

i have been spending part of the day making my fave cottage cheese pancakes and observing what kind of wildlife the rice and potatoes i put out on the deck is attracting. turns out crows, squirrels and the occasional monstrously huge seagull sure like the complex carbs.

which reminds me of one of my favorite lines in television history, when brad pitt guest starred on a thanksgiving episode of friends and played this former high school geek who hated rachel. turns out brad’s character used to be fat in high school but was superhot now. when rachel walked into the apartment carrying her contribution to dinner – sweet potatoes – brad scowled and said to ross, “my two worst enemies: rachel green and complex carbohydrates.” classic stuff right there, people!

i put some of the early, throw-away pancakes out on the deck for the wildlife because the sun is strongly shining again. the most frequent deck visitor is the squirrel i have named “lonnie” after a character on scrubs. yikes, another tv reference. i think that makes me a loser.

its now raining steadily out there. but fear not, i will go to the gym this afternoon, before i spend the evening watching disk 2 of the first season of alias. oops. tv reference #3. its official.

i flip another pancake and decide to name the giant seagull “skeletor” after he-man’s intimidating nemesis. (reference #4!) since the various crows who come to feast all pretty much look the same, i just call them “the poes.” i can’t decide if the name is very clever or way too predictable.

i wave to the mailman, with whom i am on a first name basis. he is impressed that we are from los angeles. as if!

when i go on the bathroom to apply some chap stick, i am reminded of how i accidentally got kicked in the mouth yesterday at our thai boxing class.

now it has abruptly stopped raining. time to go and put out leftover turkey burgers on the deck. (although i am partly hesitant about giving lonnie and skelator a taste for meat. especially skelator, who is approximately the size of our bathroom.)

the day is still not sure what it wants to do. rain or shine? i think i am off to the gym. but rob may need me to be here to fix him a snack while he works in the downstairs office. and i am recovering from a boxing injury.

perhaps i will spend a few hours reading the new seattle magazine restaurant issue. i am obsessed with restaurants. dunno what i will do. its goin’ around.

let me start off by saying that the first step in participating in a successful interview is being prepared.

this goes not only for the interviewee, but the interviewer. this mean that, if i have scheduled to take time out of my day and drive to your shoddy, depressing little office, you should show me the courtesy of learning at least my first name ahead of time. and you should also make a point to remember this name after i have repeated it several times, avoiding the already awkward scenario of introducing me to your self important and poorly dressed co-workers.

while you are at it, you really should be able to secure a copy of my resume from the files of your archaic computer or your messy desk, especially after five minutes of searching while i just sit there and try not to stare.

let me go on to say that my tips for your improvement do not stop there.

as you may or may not be aware, its the year 2005 and we have costco and computers. the latter belonging in particular to those who sit behind desks and run companies. in fact, you can even get computers at costco. maybe it would be a good idea to at least buy everyone who will be conducting interviews an old broken screen that sits on their desk. this would convey the illusion of some sort of technical finess to those who sit across from them. it may help in the credibility department.

(if you had a computer hidden beneath your desk for some reason, please accept my apologies for my error.)

my final tip is by far the most important one. when discussing salary levels, its not a good idea to chuckle and reveal that you intend to pay whomever is unfortunate and desperate enough to have to work with you “”as little as possible.”” chances are, the candidate sitting across from you who skipped the gym in order to meet with you will not chuckle back.

ah. i feel so much better already. its amazing what a little sarcastic criticism can do. except that i am totally serious.

i suppose you could turn around and write about me in your blog. about how i should bring a copy of my resume with me on interviews. and more importantly, how i shouldn’t write articles like this because seattle is a small town. and you would have two very good points. thanks. it feels good to give you a little encouragement after the beating you just took.

(update: i was actually offered this job. WTF???)