i am sitting here doing my homework, which, thankfully, has me sketching. thinking about how lucky i feel. blessed is the better word for it, actually. its a beautiful sunny day in los angeles, and i feel happy to be alive. truth be told, i think my abounding joy has a lot to do with the consumption of my second espresso of the day.
a few months ago, i happened upon the blog of a los angeles woman whom i have never met. she had just lost her 38 year old husband to cancer of the esophagus. i went back to her first entry in october 2005 and read every word she had written from the time he first got sick, until now. it was the most painful thing i have ever read, and it haunts me every single day. the thought of being a widow in my 30’s just kills me. i had to stop myself from reading about her grief process every day, but i still go back to her site about once a week. i so want this stranger to be happy and healthy again.
i wish i could give her some of my joy, as i sit here and think about rob. he said he would try to come home early tonight, which has been a rare occurrence since he started at revver. i am going to grill some steak and red onions and perhaps make my first homemade caesar salad, if i can get over my fear of anchovies (what if they spring back to life?). we will probably watch studio 60, our new favorite show.
i have never written to tricia or posted a comment on her blog. i think i am afraid that will make her a real person. until i can muster up the right words, she will have to remain just some stranger i pray for. but i do think of her more often than i think of most people. perhaps more often than is healthy.
i know i will meet her some day, perhaps soon. she belongs to a church i have a strong feeling i should be a part of. when the time does come, i hope i don’t make a babbling fool of myself, when i so badly want to say something profound and healing. but the right words just don’t exist. so i will continue to pray for her. and pray that her story would stop stealing so much of my joy.
http://nosleeptricia.blogspot.com/
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