Archive for March, 2007

the namesuck

Published by
julie
at March 23, 2007 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

due to circumstances beyond my control, i went to see “the namesake” yesterday, the new film from the director of monsoon wedding. i don’t normally write movie reviews, but once i started referring to it as namesuck, i so deeply amused my immature self that i decided to blog about it. so what follows is a mini-review/bitch session of yet another wasted afternoon of my life that i won’t ever frickin get back.

i liked monsoon wedding, so i expected this to be at least bearable. wrong. at one point, about six hours into this arduous piece of crap, one of the main characters died. i turned to my friend next to me and told her that i wished that i had died instead, so i didn’t have to watch the film. so i decided to take a stroll down the outside hallway and read all the fine print on the movie posters, instead of further ruining the movie for her. this actually somewhat rekindled my desire to live.

when i ran out of fine print, i returned to the theater and deduced that all of the women in the movie were gorgeous, while none of the men were even remotely attractive. couldn’t they have thrown us a bone and cast mohinder from heroes for a small role? i realize this makes me sound like a racist asshole, but if i wanted to watch a bunch of unattractive people with tufts of ear hair interact, i would have hung out in a walmart in arkansas and saved twelve bucks.

the main guy was kal penn, from that harold & kumar film. he was also in this season of 24, where he played a middle eastern terrorist. (?) but yesterday he played an indian guy who was named after the ukrainian/russian author nikolai gogol. since i am a victim of our atrocious public school system, i never heard of him, and hence suffered from severe apathy that anyone was his namesake. why couldn’t they have named him after someone i was familiar with? at least if he was a fyodor i would deduce that he was probably going to be redeemed at some point, instead of being an enormous tool for the entire film. would have given me some hope.

so in conclusion, you should not waste your time with this insipid film. unless you like movies that are approximately nine hours long, cast people that are hard to look at, and contain a bunch of irrelevant scenes that make you wish you were dead.

this one’s for bill

Published by
julie
at March 21, 2007 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

i just got back from a trip to costco. costco makes me want to take my own life. its just such a….a window to the black soul of america’s greed. it makes me feel physically and mentally tired, and like one of “them,” the normal people.

if that sounds heavier than stuff i normally write, there’s a reason. i have a reader to impress. a mini fan. he has revealed himself and he is out there, waiting for me to blog. waiting for me to let him down with entries that are deeply and profoundly unfunny. last weekend, said reader threatened to stop visiting my site if i didn’t post something new soon. so the threat of losing 50% of my readership has ultimately led me to commence the profoundly unfunny.

as i am typing at the kitchen table, i am battling a drooling beast that has a spit bubble on his mouth, is licking my arms and face, and trying to do happy feet on my chest and head. its my fond cat jack, and he is a handful. and as if to drive that point home, he just now dipped his tail into the ketchup that was on my plate and whipped it on my neck. its as if he sensed i needed more material or something. cats are very intuitive.

i cant get annoyed at him, though, since (1) he is the most handsome cat in all of los angeles, and potentially all of southern california, and (2) he hasn’t received much attention since lexx 3000 joined our family. lexx 3000 is awesome. he had been wandering around our neighborhood for a few days, so we took him in. he has been here ever since. such a sweet love of a dog, he is part golden retriever and chow, with perhaps a bit of shar pei mixed in. hence the extra skin hanging from his neck. lexx’s new mom, who has recently turned 38, has started to acquire that very same look, but it has nothing to do with her being part shar pei, unfortunately.

if you happen to come to visit, don’t call him lexx 300 instead of 3000, or he will sulk for ten minutes. if fact, its a good idea to just stay away from him entirely and not come over at all anymore, since he is scared of every other person who is not rob or me, and demonstrates this by losing control of his bowels. he is also deathly afraid of jack hammers and squeaky toys that resemble the skunk that sprayed him. so if you still must visit after all this, you should definitely leave those items at home.

it feels good to be back. i hope my reader isn’t too disappointed by today’s entry. i’m a bit rusty and have ketchup on my neck. that should buy me some grace.