i hadn’t been to las vegas in seven years, which is apparently long enough to forget how annoying it is. where are all those people from? they are everywhere. every inch of the city is swarming with people. its like one big ant hill, but instead of ants, its filled with fat sweaty hairy guys in white tube socks.
we booked a suite at the mirage for three nights. i found out later that ashlee simpson had been there, too, but since it was after the fact, it was too late to check out in protest. did you see that video of her all drunk in a mcdonald’s a year or so ago? when a fan (huh?) approached her and asked for her autograph (what?), she told him he had to kiss her foot first. when he refused, she told him to fuck off. then, to assure she had secured her rightful spot of the top of my “biggest talentless buffoon” list, she turned around and started being rude to the cashier. fantastic!
anyway, we drove out on sunday, and spent most of the ride doing what we usually do on road trips: complain about suv’s. you know, how they are dangerous and selfish and unacceptable and whatnot. the usual stuff. we witnessed three accidents on the way there, and 5 of the 7 vehicles involved were either suv’s or mini vans. sweet. i also spotted the driver of an 18-wheeler chatting on his cell phone and driving with one hand. that just doesn’t seem too smart to me. or safe. or legal. but what do i know? … but aren’t headsets like $14?
so the first night we were there, we dined at nobu at the hard rock hotel. i was pretty pumped. the server highly recommended the kobe beef special. the beef was an appetizer, and rob and i had exactly three bites each. and it was great. what wasn’t great about the kobe beef, however, was that i found out when we got our bill that it cost ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS. that translates to $20 a bite. when we got the bill i almost threw it back up. i spent the rest of the night in a fitful sleep, wondering if i should call the cops to see if they would arrest the scam artist who thought it would be a good idea to push a special appetizer without informing us that it cost almost as much as our suite at the mirage. i love a good, quality meal as much as the next person, but i have to say that this happened three nights ago and i am still fuming. i even called the restaurant the next day to see if there had been a mistake. there hadn’t. i strongly suspect that, regardless of the consequences, if i happened to run into nobu matsuhisa anytime soon i might have to sucker punch him in the face.
but its time to move on to happier things about our trip: the cirque du soleil beatles show, “love”, was simply far beyond the best thing i have ever seen. it was mind blowing. i want to see it every night. and i want to join the circus. too bad i have no talent. or a beard.
we ended up cutting our trip short by a day due to overstimulation. after less than 48 hours in vegas, we were done. broke, hot, annoyed and inspired to join the circus.
sounds like a normal trip to sin city. see you in another seven years. or more.
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