silly white blog

when i was in third grade, in my class was a girl name desiree. the entire school ostracized her because she had had lice and, back then, people with lice had to have their heads shaved.

although i never made fun of her, i left her alone and never defended her when kids would make fun of her and treat her like she was some kind of leper.

then one day, i reached my threshold in watching her stand alone in the playground, and walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to play charlie’s angels with us. i still remember the look on her face when i asked her, like it was the happiest day in her life and she couldn’t believe her good fortune. i think she almost cried. perhaps she thought that the end of her exile had finally come.

when i went up to our pack leader, jackie, and announced that desiree would be joining us, she would have none of it. i then had to walk over to desiree and tell her that the other kids wouldn’t allow her to play. she said, “okay,” and i turned around, walked away from her, and rejoined them. the mean kids. after a 30 second hiatus, i was again one of them.

just like i haven’t forgotten the look on her face when i invited her, i have not forgotten the look on her face when i uninvited her. like she expected it.

i think it was one of the defining moments in my life, and i still feel sorrow over it. sorrow for her but mostly sorrow for me, that i gave her a glimpse of acceptance and quickly took it away.

i hope that that was the meanest anyone has ever been to her, and that the rest of her life has been filled with happiness and all things good. and i hope that she looks back on that day and sees how badly i wanted to include her and reach out to her, instead of how i ultimately chose politics and popularity over kindness.

i am in love. all i want to do is watch battlestar gallactica while eating ben & jerry’s coffee heath bar crunch & peanut butter cup. it doesnt get much better than this. i think i might even prefer the show to the ‘cream, and that means serious shit.

rob tried to tell me when he was marathoning the show in the spring, but i still can’t believe how amazing it is. its every bit as good as lost & heroes. and its on the scifi channel instead of a major network. apparently the networks passed on it before scifi picked it up, and they are kicking themselves, as it has been lauded as one of the best dramas on television. it should be required watching for everyone based solely on its strong female characters. the women pretty much rule the show. starbuck is my hero. she represents something fierce.

i have been under its spell over the past week or so. thank God i don’t have a real job, or i would have simply not shown up all week due to serious bsg addiction. please call in sick for a week, drop everything and watch the mini series, followed by the first 3 seasons. season 4 starts in the fall, and its the last one.

i really hope they find their way to earth by the end so we can hang out. frackin’-a.

we were just coming home from dinner in santa monica, and passed a woman driving on the 10 freeway at about 70 mph while flossing her teeth. she was looking in the mirror and, as is customary, using both hands to floss.

i have witnessed people reading scripts while driving, but using both hands to floss while on a major freeway on a friday night pretty much takes the cake. a few obvious questions come to mind, such as, “if both hands were in your mouth, what were you using to man the steering wheel?” and “what could possibly have been stuck in your teeth that would demand such immediate extraction so as to justify risking your life, plus the lives of dozens of others?”

the only logical scenario i could come up with was that it must have been a bomb. i am obviously one of the lucky ones who have been spared the wrath of those crazy tooth bombs the al qaeda is planting in the mouths of asian americans.

now that i have wisely realized that flossing driver is no longer my enemy, but my hero, i retire for a guaranteed peaceful nights sleep.

‘night.

about a week ago, april and i were driving to dinner in atwater village when we came upon an accident that had apparently just happened. the first thing we saw were about five cars spread out over the road in an unnatural configuration. then i noticed a figure lying face down in the curb beside a green minivan. he was lying with his arms tucked under his body. as we slowly rolled by, about 15 feet from him, he lifted up his head, turned it toward us, and let out an agonizing scream.

i thought i was going to throw up. i looked across the street to a gas station and noticed a police car and 2 cops apparently giving someone a ticket. they were close enough for me to yell to them, asking them if they knew someone had been hit and was lying in the street…. they said ‘yes,’ and ‘thank you’ and went on with their business…. i then pointed out to them that he was screaming. they nodded and carried on.

after what seemed like an eternity, everyone slowly got back into their cars, and the police began to drive across the street towards the screaming man. the screaming man who was about 100 steps from them. it all struck me as completely ridiculous. i dont know what was going on, but i keep picturing this man lying face down in the gutter, screaming…. and all alone. there was no one crouching down besides him trying to comfort or reassure him. just a few people on their cell phones standing near him, and the cops across the street, perhaps more interested in giving someone a ticket than helping a man in pain. since my brother is a cop, i know they are all trained extensively as emt’s. yet this man was suffering alone.

i suppose this all happened between the span of about one or two minutes. as we crossed the intersection, we were relieved to hear ambulance sirens. we drove half a block and pulled over, trying to recover from shock and nausea.

i know i have no idea what was going on, but it has been haunting me since then. and i mean haunting. i wake up in the middle of the night and see him, alone in the gutter, screaming.

i look back and wish i had run over to him and just at least tried to reassure him. asked him his name. tried to divert his attention at least a bit. prayed for him. i have done searches for accidents in the area, trying to get some kind of peace or reassurance that he is okay, but i have found nothing. i think this one is going to remain a mystery. over dinner that night, april and i kept telling each other that the man was going to be okay. but i’m not okay.

i need to know that he is safe. that he isn’t alone any more, lying in the gutter. and i want to be able to sleep again.