when i was in third grade, in my class was a girl name desiree. the entire school ostracized her because she had had lice and, back then, people with lice had to have their heads shaved.
although i never made fun of her, i left her alone and never defended her when kids would make fun of her and treat her like she was some kind of leper.
then one day, i reached my threshold in watching her stand alone in the playground, and walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to play charlie’s angels with us. i still remember the look on her face when i asked her, like it was the happiest day in her life and she couldn’t believe her good fortune. i think she almost cried. perhaps she thought that the end of her exile had finally come.
when i went up to our pack leader, jackie, and announced that desiree would be joining us, she would have none of it. i then had to walk over to desiree and tell her that the other kids wouldn’t allow her to play. she said, “okay,” and i turned around, walked away from her, and rejoined them. the mean kids. after a 30 second hiatus, i was again one of them.
just like i haven’t forgotten the look on her face when i invited her, i have not forgotten the look on her face when i uninvited her. like she expected it.
i think it was one of the defining moments in my life, and i still feel sorrow over it. sorrow for her but mostly sorrow for me, that i gave her a glimpse of acceptance and quickly took it away.
i hope that that was the meanest anyone has ever been to her, and that the rest of her life has been filled with happiness and all things good. and i hope that she looks back on that day and sees how badly i wanted to include her and reach out to her, instead of how i ultimately chose politics and popularity over kindness.
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